An ode to lost alters

This is to my alters, who I loved dearly. Thank you for everything you all did for me.

To Wrench, who always had a dirty joke to hand. To Marcus, who was there to protect us when we needed it. To Omeprazole, who loved a good debate (even if playing the devils advocate made us argue constantly).

To Ashley, who loved her bear “mr bear”. Adrian, who clapped for the NHS so I didn’t have to. Alfadenzine, whose name is a keysmash. Bing and Bong, who held my dog related trauma for the longest time. Achilles, who we didn’t know too well but who had a sick aesthetic. Alison, the 60 year old woman in a 26 year-old’s body.

Beast, who went from persecutor to rhythm game fanatic. Beedle, whose animal crossing house was full of all the bugs he’d caught. Care, who wanted to integrate to begin with. Dreamy and Zoey, who had been dating for 7 years. Keel, who loved the adventure quest series. Kodiak, who desperately wanted us to work out. Kyle, who dealt with dumb jokes because of his name daily. Noctus, who came to be out of missing someone so badly. Nurse, who got my covid shot for me.

Petya, who was sentient malware. Payne, whose pronouns are listed in pluralkit as “the ominous feeling you get when you’re alone at night”. Onyx and Topaz, who were in a will-they won’t-they relationship until the end of time. The Lorax, who foxed all of us as we’ve never watched the movie. Torinn, who loved with her whole heart and never doubted the good in people.

Recently, we unanimously decided on integration. After many headaches, I can say that I’m almost totally alone in my head. I feel… odd. I know I’m ready for the next chapter in my life, but I can’t imagine my life without my headmates. I rarely switched before this, which is partially why we all decided on integration, but always dealt with passive influence. I was the hold-out on integration, worried I’d lose myself in the flow of alters.

I miss not being the only one in my body. But hey, I identify with my body now.